Friday, February 17, 2012

Thanks for the reassurance!

Talking to moms, who are already experiencing the empty nest, should be reassuring to me, but not this week.  While talking to a nurse in the doctor's office, we discussed our kids.  Her kids are 22 and 20.  Mine is 18.  She just started talking about how hard it is to have her kids gone.  Really?!?!  I need you to tell me that it gets easier, not that after a couple of years, it is still hard.  Don't tell me you have never gotten used to them being gone.  Tell me you have warmed up to the quietness and lack of activity in your house and life.  Don't tell me that you still hate not seeing them every night and that you miss them all the time.  You should be reassuring me that you get used to them being gone at college. 

On second thought, maybe that was the reassurance I needed.  Maybe, I needed to know that it is OK to miss her, but that I can still go on. Maybe it is reassuring to know that the "new normal" is a little bit of lonely, with a big dose of acceptance.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

State of Denial

Yes, I am in a state of denial.  Most likely the reason for no recent posts to my blog.  I am in denial that she is in her second semester of her senior year.  I am in denial that she is 18 years old, thinks she knows it all and is ready to move on from high school.  Well, it isn't working!  Denial does not stop time or make it not true.  She is 18.  She is an adult (kinda).  She is in her second semester of her senior year and she is getting ready to go to college. 

Today, she applied for her orientation and enrollment date for college and actually asked if I wanted to go.  I'm not sure if she asked because she wanted me to go or if she asked because she was hoping I wouldn't go.  I don't really care because she asked.  Yet, another thing to cause reality to sink in.

So many things and events are happening.  My friends say "Oh, this is the last time you will be doing this!".  Some of these friends don't understand because their children are young enough that they don't see this coming.  Some of these friends have been in my shoes and know that it will be OK.  Some are in the same boat as me and know how hard it is to do these things that we see as "final".  

As we draw closer to graduation, I promise to post more frequently.  Writing is therapeutic.  I forget that sometimes.

We are on the downhill side of the high school hill.  Rolling like a snowball. Growing as we go.  We think we are about to hit the bottom of the hill, but in truth, it is a small valley and there is a mountain to climb on the other side.